Guilt-Worm as Seen in Female Specimen
An almost infinite number of ways for a parent to fail. A flash memoir by Bethany Jarmul
After a long rain on a warm-for-December day, three crows perch in the bare-bone branches of an oak tree in our neighborhood. We walk, or rather run-stop-run-stop, with two toddlers in tow. A nude worm wriggles across the asphalt—confused by the water, by the lack of dirt, by the lack of home.
“Look, it’s a worm, Buddy.” I point it out to my four-year-old son. “Watch out! You almost stepped on it.”
So many things to watch out for with toddlers—holes, rocks, cliffs, cars, candy, strangers, quarters, hot dogs, grapes, buttons, plastic bags, paint, primer, pills, chemicals, creatures—an almost infinite number of ways a little person can injure themselves or someone else. An almost infinite number of ways for a parent to fail.
“Worm, ha!” My son stomps on it with his gray tennis shoe, smashing its “neck,” squirting guts out the top of its head.
An almost infinite number of ways for a parent to fail.
“Why’d you do that, Buddy?” I cringe. The worm writhes. Have I raised a cruel kid? Have I failed to teach him to value life? Yet if that had been a spider, wouldn’t I have smashed it without a second thought? And who am I to say a spider’s life is worth less than a worm’s just because it scares me? Who am I?
My husband catches up to us, pushing our daughter in the stroller. “Did you know that worms regenerate? Just because he stepped on it doesn’t mean it’s dead.”
My son stomps on the worm again and again and again—until the worm stops squirming. Overhead, a crow caws a warning to his friends.
Bethany Jarmul is an Appalachian writer and poet. She’s the author of two chapbooks and one poetry collection—This Strange and Wonderful Existence (Bottlecap Press, 2023), Take Me Home (Belle Point Press, 2024), and Lightning is a Mother (ELJ Editions, 2025), respectively. Her writing was selected for Best Spiritual Literature 2023 and nominated for the Pushcart Prize, The Best of the Net, Best Small Fictions, Best Microfiction, and Wigleaf Top 50. Connect with her at bethanyjarmul.com or on social media: @BethanyJarmul
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